


So I Sit Here In The Silence

by Jovi_Star



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Panic Attacks, Scared Spencer Reid, Worried Jennifer "JJ" Jareau
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:26:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27983778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jovi_Star/pseuds/Jovi_Star
Summary: Reid’s world was silent. No voices, no heartbeat, no rustle, nothing. Reid  panicked . The young agent loved the  silence, but this......this was something different. It was an overwhelming silence that you wanted to get rid of, when you couldn’t. He felt squished, unable to breathe. Trapped inside of this void of  silence.Reid goes deaf.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid
Kudos: 47





	So I Sit Here In The Silence

Ringing hit his ears hard. Spencer Reid dived right as the building exploded, killing the unsub in a guilt trip. The red and orange light  blinded the doctor's eyes, white flashes hitting him. Warmth  and cold air mixed on his skin, making him sweat and shiver at once. 

His head had hit the cold cement, bring him in and out of  conciseness . The warmth was gon e just  as it had  appeared, leaving Reid to shiver. His head pounded like hell; his heart beating fast and loud. The ringing dimmed and his  eyesight went to normal as if could with his eyes half-way shut. 

Distantly, he could hear his  teammates screaming his name,  but  they were right above  home .  Everything was muffled out.  _ Why was everything muffled out?!  _ Reid  panicked

White hot pain erupted from the back of his head. He  yelped a cry of pain . The world spun  underneath him as EMTs filled his fading vision. He wanted to tell them something, but nothing would come. Even so, he  doubts he could hear himself, with the r inging still filling  his ears. 

A hand was placed on his head. Reid could feel the sticky liquid as it pooled around his head; he moaned. The EMT said something, but Reid was already closing his eyes, w elcoming the black void that greeted him.

OoOoOoOoO

Reid’s world was silent. No voices, no heartbeat, no rustle, nothing. Reid  panicked . The young agent loved the  silence, but this......this was something different. It was an overwhelming silence that you wanted to get rid of, when you couldn’t. He felt squished, unable to breathe. Trapped inside of this void of  silence .

Head now dulled with  pounding; he opened his brown eyes. 

Bright lights blinded him, squinting, he moaned. Everything felt weird. His head, his arms, his legs- everything. He tugged his arm and felt the IV right where........

Reid gasped. He  can’t go back there: To the shed, the burning smell of fish, the cold air freezing him and the  look of the faces that haunted him at night.

A  figure s at the edge of his hospital bed . The s ilhouette  of the body turned with  a sad smile on  the  face. It was JJ. Reid has never been so happy to see her face. Her smooth bright face, long blonde hair, kind blue eyes and her gentle smile , gave him the peace he desperately needed.  The comfort of JJ’s  hand was  clasped in  Reid's limp one . 

Her lips move, but all Reid can hear is a muffled voice; he’s  unable to make out anything. Reid furrows hi s  brow, confusion on his face . Th e confusion is replaced by fear when Reid hears an unknow  _ bump, click _ from around the hallway. He feels  vibrations echo along his room , to his bed , and to him. His heart beating, at a normal pace, echoing throughout his body . The  thumping's in his chest became  louder as it grew heavier.

JJ  flinches and looks out his room, the door wide open. Reid can tell she says something, but  again , he hears only muffled sounds. 

A doctor appears over Reid. Her black hair is pulled up into a ponytail and her blue eyes worriedly trail over Reid. She looks up at JJ, says something, and writes something down on the board she suddenly has. 

_ What the hell is going  _ _ on? _ Confusion washed over Reid .  So, confused h e’s scared.  _ What’s  _ _ happening _ _?  _ _ Wh _ _ -why can’t I hear?  _ He wanted to scream but ...  he  couldn’t.

But  He almost  tried  when a distance dull ringing filled his left ear. It wasn’t loud nor was it quiet. Reid brough t his hands up to his ears, face  morphing into a painful grimace. It hurt but  somehow it  didn’t. 

Hands touched his skin: rough and soft. Overwhelming panic set into the young doctor.  _ Germs. Germs _ _. _ _ Germs! _ __

He could hear shouts and concerned voices . Everything was loud but too quiet.

“ Spence... ” a soft voice  whispered. Reid ’s world went to abrupt stop, he shut out the voices  and  focused on that single.. . soft voice. It was JJ...

Reid  realized that his eyes had slammed shut . He squinted them open to see JJ’s  soft and kind  face , looking at him. She showed him reassurance with her  pastel blue  eyes.

Reid  focused on her light, blond hair that waved itself down her shoulders. The pink lips that pressed into a tight line. Her smil e that always brought the love and the calmness he so wanted. JJ brought up her  index fi n g er and placed it on her lips. 

_ It's _ _ time to calm down  _ Reid thought. 

After JJ brought her hand down, she mouthed  “ _ It's _ __ _ Okay. _ _ ” _

The  r inging was louder now, and Reid screamed and pushed his hands against his ears.  More hands touch him, and forcibly grab him.  Reid  lashes  out.  The shouts started again,  where  he could he ar JJ shouting at  somebody .  What's g o ing on? He feels so unless and scared. So strange , so weird. Nothing  makes sense. Why does nothing make sense? Why are people touching him? Stop!

The darkness that surrounds him is terrifying. It's not a foggy darkness, but a muffled darkness. Dull and  loud sounds are  heard but normal  and quiet sounds are......are  _ gone _ _. _

_ Please! I don’t want to be here! _

Reid’s jumble d thoughts clear and his body goes limp. Exhaustion seeps through his body and  his eyes close. But not before he  whispered

“ .... please  .. ” 

Or so he thinks. 

OoOoOoO

Opening his eyes, everything is fuzzy. Reid’s head feels groggy and strange . JJ  sits on the side of his hospital bed, looking down at her phone. Her left hand is holding his own pale hand. 

Reid groan s . “What happened?”

His voice was  distant . He could hear it, but it  wasn’t his  voice. 

JJ jerked her head towards Reid and smiled. “Hey, Spence, how do you feel?” 

The young agent barely  hears her words , be he heard them. Hope blossomed in his chest. He  scrunched up his face. “Fine ... I guess. I  mean, I  feel strange.”

“Sorry, the doctors had to seduce you. You kept freaking out, ripping out the IV and opening stiches.” JJ explained.

“Stiches?” 

“Yeah. You got a couple of deep cuts from the  explosion and a pretty bad  concussion .”

“What?” Reid  asked

JJ  repeated what she said. Again, he barely heard it. 

“Why can’t I hear?” 

Shock filled JJ’s face then changed to sadness.  She put her finger to her close to her ear and moved it near her mouth. “Deaf.” she mouthed.

_ Oh _

_ Guess that makes sense.  _

Reid felt his  heartbeat rise and his body sweat. 

No , no , no . 

Deaf?

I can’t be deaf.

Won’t be able to into the field. Won't be able to work or hear anyone  normally , again. 

JJ put her hands gently on Reid, pinning his arms. When Reid stopped fighting her, she made a ‘ o ’ w ith her han d, cupping it together. She changed it to a ‘k’, with her thumb between her pointer and middle finger. 

_ O _

_ K _

She then lifted her pointer and t he middle finger  with the rest in a  fist and brought it down  onto the thumb. She repeated that three times.

_ No _

Putting both her thumbs touching, she brought her hands to her chest and pushed them out. 

_ Permanent _

Relief spread through Reid. The deafness was n’ t permanent. 

Reid never knew JJ could sign . Reid could, and it was nice for JJ to sign. It was better than hearing the muffled voice of hers. 

Lifting his left hand, he brought it up to his chin t hen down.  _ Thank you. _

JJ squinted her eyes, confused. She thought for  a while then smiled and nodded. 

Reid never re a li z ed about the dull pain in his  head. It lingered in the left side, just the side  where his ear hear d the dull ringing. The noise was still there, distance but there. It was strange, just like everything else was.  It makes Reid’s head hurt.

Lifting  an arm to his head, he felt bandages wrapped around. “Ow.” Was all he said.

JJ chuckled and squeezed his hand. “It's alright. You’re going to be alright. I know your head hurts and the quiet freaks you,  but it will get  b etter. I promise.”

Reid didn’t catch what else she said, but what he heard was enough to be comforted. He let is eyelids drop down, his body relax and let the sleep come. 

Cause maybe, JJ was right. When he’d wake up, everything will better. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I'm on a ROLL!  
> I really like this simple story because Reid goes ....deaf. I know that's strange but, I'm deaf too. Everything in this story is based off my feelings and experience with being deaf. And for some of you might have it different.  
> Yes, I feel everything and I don't hear anything; my world is strange.  
> Love, Jovi.  
> For my deaf buddies, you are not alone. No matter how hard it is in the silence, the deaf community are here for you. Love you guys, even if you live on the other side of the world. #GiveThanks.  
> P.S. The sign language might be wrong, if so, sorry. I'm still learning my ASL.


End file.
